sense God.

Today I woke up to silence with the sun shining through my blinds & I was in an incredibly good mood.
After a few minutes of just laying there, I decided to flip open my Bible and read through a few random Psalms. I read quite a few this morning, but one in particular was Psalm 34. [you should go read it really quickly. it's one of my favs]
I've read through this chapter many times, it's marked up in pink highlighter and light blue pen in my Bible. This morning though, I read through these verses not thinking much about their lovely truth and then moved on to a different chapter. Little did I know, that God was going to humble me greatly with these verses in just a few short hours.
Early this afternoon, my family went to Lamesa to watch a movie. I drove the 40 miles with my family silently doing different things in the back seat.
For those of you that know me, you know that I think WAY too much & driving always gives my brain an opportunity to think even more! haha I'm quite the scatter brain, so I don't know I ended up back on the subject of Psalm 34, but God kept my mind wandering over those words. Especially verse 8.

"Taste and see the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him."

I was stuck on taste and see.
Taste and see?? Why did David, a wise man, choose to use the words, "Taste and see The Lord is good..."?
I guess David simply wanted to make the point that you can sense God's goodness through every little thing.

And then of course, I kept thinking. How exactly do I sense God?!
There are 5 senses: seeing, tasting, hearing, smelling, and feeling.
Well if you can "taste and see" that God is good then you can sense that He is good with other things too.

I HEAR the sound of wind, giggles, instrumental music, singing, crying, clapping, conversations, and laughter. All of these tend to remind me that Jesus is good.
I SMELL candles and perfumes, but I also smell flowers and rain. Those tend to remind me that Jesus is good.
I FEEL different surfaces, a person's shirt when I hug, people's hand during a high-five. But I also FEEL different things in my heart. Emotions of happiness, awe, love, compassion, and peace and am reminded that Jesus is good.
I TASTE mainly just different foods. Some of which taste reallyyyy good! haha But God provides me with nutrition daily. I taste and am reminded, Jesus is good.
I SEE people living life, nature, pictures & paintings, sunsets & sunrises, smiles, and wonderful suprises. All of these things remind me that Jesus is good.

I'm humbled that The Lord created these five senses ultimately to endlessly remind His children that JESUS IS GOOD.

Romans 1:20 says,
"For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities--his eternal power and divine nature--have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse."

For a long time I wondered how God could possibly think humans could simply KNOW there is a God who loves us and created us to love Him in return. I think I get it now though.

we humans can sense God because with all of His goodness, He has allowed us to sense Him.
So go ahead,
hear, smell, feel, taste, and see.
Jesus, and all He is, is good.


Jesus,
-teach me to continuously sense Your presence, Lord.
I see you face in every sunrise. The colors of the morning are inside Your eyes. The world awakens in the light of the day and I look up to the sky and say, You're beautiful. Yes, you Lord are good & you Lord, are beautiful. I love You. Oh I dearly love You.

the worries of Winter & the flowers of Spring.

"...I walk to the meadow and stare at the flowers better dressed than any girl on her wedding day. So why do I worry? Why do I freak out? God knows what I need. You know what I need. Your love is, Your love is, Your love is strong ... Two things you told me That you are strong And you love me. Yes, You love me..."
-Jon Foreman

my soul has weary and worrisome Winter days here and there. those days always end up reminding me of Jesus' love and grace. my soul also has days filled with the flowers of Spring. those days also always remind me of Jesus' love and grace, but in a different way. it's neat how God works. i'm in awe of His wonder. i'm satisfied with the greatness of The Lord. my soul is overwhelmed with this marvelous God of the sweetest, strongest love.

"One thing God has spoken, two things I have heard:
that You, O God, are strong,
And that You, O God, are loving." -Psalm 62:11-12a

restful days.

today I am thankful for rest. today I am thankful for restful days.

so often in this life, I find myself in a place of stress and worry. I find myself tired and weary.
so often in this life, I find myself straying away from the feet of Jesus and becoming less & less focused on all He is, on all He does.
so often in this life, I find myself forgetting the peace Jesus provides. I find myself denying the rest only the Lord can give.

today I am thankful for sweet promises spoken by Jesus.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." -Matthew 11:28

such a simple, yet beautiful promise. "...and I will give you rest."
I can't get over that phrase.

my heart is overwhelmed and satisfied by the peace I find in the rest provided by the Lord.

Psalm 62:1says, "Truly my soul find rest in God; my salvation comes from him."

today I am thankful for a God who breaks through the sorrows of this world and provides rest.
and gives salvation.
and pours out love.

diving in deep.

what I haven't mentioned in my past few blogs is that Will Reagan & the United Pursuit recently came out with the new album, Endless Years.
[It. is. golden. and. I. loveeee. it. :D]

my favorite song on the album is probably "Give Me A Song," [you definitely need to look it up].
one of the lines in the song says,

"...sink or swim, I'm diving in to the passion of Your heart where love starts..."

this little phrase stands out to me every time I listen to the song, which is quite a bit. throughout the past year, I've developed this little image about my relationship with Jesus. I've got to tell a little story for it to make sense though.
so on the block where I lived for eleven years up until this Summer, there is a yard with almost solid concrete. for some reason this yard always got the best rain puddles after a thunderstorm. my sisters & I, along with all the neighborhood kids, used to ride our bikes as fast as we could through the water. but, we also would set down our bikes, take off our shoes, roll up our pants, & splash and dance around in these glorious rain puddles.

I picture my relationship with Jesus like this. it all started by dancing in the rain puddles. it all started by making a mess and splashing around in this glorious divine romance.

what you probably don't know is I have also spent the last eleven years of my life living across the street from the public pool. [there was never a quite Summer day, if you were wondering.]
so here my friends & I were splashing around in these rain puddles across the street from a giant public pool never once even acknowledging the irony.

I picture my relationship with Jesus like this. I continuously splash around in rain puddles of faith not acknowledging the fact that i could be diving into deep waters right across the street.

I have this image in my head of a little girl splashing around in rain puddles on a dull cloudy day.
I also have this image in my head of a little girl diving into this pool ungracefully. that's right. as ungraceful as possible this little girl dives into the deep end of a pool and immediately gets soaked in this freezing cold water & still chooses to get out and repeat this anything but pretty, dive.
over & over & over, she does this.

I picture my relationship with Jesus like this. I ungracefully dive into His loving heart & immediately get soaked up in His glorious passion.  over & over & over, I do this.

but, sometimes I get 'tired.' as much as I hate to say this, sometimes I don't want to dive into Jesus' heart.

I also have this image in my head of water being dumped on this little girl. again, she is immediately soaked, but didn't do anything to be soaked. water was poured on top of her. over & over & over again.

I picture my relationship with Jesus like this. God is constantly, [whether I am diving in or not], pouring His love & forgiveness all over me. over & over & over again.
Jesus is so good to me. Jesus is too good to me.

"...God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit..." -Romans 5:5
"Many waters cannot quench this love; rivers cannot wash it away." -Song of Songs 8:7

Jesus,
give me a song to sing & will sing it to you, oh God. sink or swim, I'm diving into the passion of your heart where love starts.
-ungraceful little me.

beautiful little friendships.

the past two days have been very good for my heart. i spent the majority of the past two days in Lamesa, which was just wonderful. on the forty minute drive home i had time to think, and all i could really think about were my friends. my dear, sweet friends. what lovely blessings each and everyone of my friends are to me.
i think that's been one of the hardest and neatest things about moving. i've begun to realize just how much time and energy you pour into friendships, but i've also realized how worth the time and energy is. plus i've gained new little friendships which aren't near as strong, but i know that even new friendships will turn out beautiful some day.
the past two days, i've gotten to see quite a few 'old' friends. some i expected to see and some were unexpected run-ins at the perfect time. i have enjoyed talking to each one of these friends and basically just being with them.
the past two days, i've also had quite a lot of friends i didn't get to see, but those little friendships are still such a blessing in my life. goodness, friends are so good for the heart.
God has poured all of this love into my life and so much of that love comes from these beautiful little friendships. i've learned so much from my friends. i've learned so much about God and His love from my friends. God has [and continues to]  blessed me with such sweet people in my life. such sweet friends and family. goodness, i love all of these dear people.
so as i sat in the car for forty minutes tonight, i thought about how loved i am. about how blessed i am. about how thankful i am for all God continues to pour over me. He is such a gracious and loving God. He is constantly blowing my mind at all i have to be thankful for.
but, tonight, i am especially thankful for sweet friends.
tonight, i am especially thankful for the blessings i have in all of my beautiful little friendships.

"A friend loves at all times..." -Proverbs 17:17

movies.

I'd say I've seen a fair share of movies in my few years of life, but I recently realized something about myself from watching movies. I always want to watch the beginning then skip to the end. I always want to skip the frustrating parts where everything seems terrible and it's hard to believe the movie will actually end good. I tend to forget that the most frustrating parts of movies make the movie so much better in the end.
I've realized that's how I am in life too. I always want to skip past the hard days. the stressful day. the days i just want to stay in bed and pretend the world is perfect. the days when i have to trust Jesus the most and have faith His plan is perfect. I tend to wish the most frustrating parts of life didn't exist. I tend to forget that the most frustrating parts of life make the end so much better.

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." -Luke 9:23

"and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me." -Matthew 10:38

Sometimes, I find myself wishing verses like these had never been written. maybe because i'm human, imperfect. maybe because then i could claim i didn't know the path to Jesus' feet would be filled with hardship and give up. or maybe because i'm a selfish sinner who doesn't want to go through any bit of bad to get to an amazingly good ending.
I struggle with that. I find myself questioning God and all He does. I'm constantly wanting everything to always be good all the time. for everyone to be happy. for pain to be crushed. Then I'm reminded that God works in people's life through good and bad. God works in my life through good and bad.
He hears every prayer. He feels every tear. He continuously pours out His love on me and because I'm a selfish sinner, I receive Jesus' love and grace and want better. Sometimes, my silly little heart, forgets that God is better than better. God is truer than true. God is gooder than good. [& yes. i meant gooder.] God is everything glorious. God is divine. God is perfect.
and so are all of His plans. as where my plans are flawed, His are flawlessly perfect, glorious and divine.
I've recently been reminded that Jesus has everything in this life under control and I can't even begin to explain how reassuring that is.
I'm done fast-forwarding through the frustrating parts of movies, but more importantly...
I'm done denying the frustrating parts of life.
Instead, I'm choosing to deny myself.
Instead, I'm choosing to take up my cross daily.
Instead, I'm choosing to follow Christ through the good and through the bad, because in the end I know it's beautifully worth it.

Wednesdays: relearning to love.

ever since i found out i was moving, any day of the week involving church has been hard. when i found out i was moving, i began to almost dread Wednesday nights, Sunday mornings, Sunday nights... you get the idea. it seemed like every time i walking in the church building all kinds of emotions just jumbled up & wanted out.
why?? because youth, Sunday school, small groups, etc. are some of my absolute favorite things in the world. i love the people, but even more, i love the God the people come to worship & talk about.
since i've moved & my family has become members of a new church, going to church has still been a bit hard. especially Wednesday night youth.

i've really been on a roller coaster with God since the middle of June. this divine romance has been very frustrating at times. there are days where being passionate about Jesus is pretty much the last thing on my mind. i know the hard times in our lives are what usually end up bringing God the most glory, but sometimes life is just plain tough & i don't necessarily like it always.

i have expressed much of my frustration to friends & goodness are their responses always so encouraging. a while ago, when i was explaining how different youth was since i've moved and how it had been really hard for me to plug in & enjoy it, a good friend simply said, "Well, I guess you'll just have to relearn to love Wednesdays." & BOOM. that was exactly what i needed to do. [btw, i can promise you that this particular friend of mine has Jesus just oozing out of him. God commonly uses his wisdom to speak to me.] so i have been working my way through this process, but it can still be frustrating.
i have just wanted to give up quite often.
i sure do wish i would've realized 'giving up' was the key.

i am continuously giving things over to God, but i am also continuously taking things back.
i have had to come to the point where giving up is my only option, and it's a very good thing.
my heart also hasn't been sincere with Jesus in a while.

so again, two weeks ago, i was texting a friend pretty much ranting about Wednesdays and my relationship with God. i asked for some scripture and he said to look at Joel 2:11. i opened my Bible up and read that verse. by that point i was bursting in tears. TOTAL GOD MOMENT. then i kept reading through verse 14.

Joel 2:11-14a
"...The day of the Lord is great; it is dreadful. Who can endure it? 'Even now,' declares the Lord, 'return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning. Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity. Who knows? He may turn and have pity and leave behind a blessing--...'"

after reading this, the ugly tears from my sobs just ran down.
at that moment, i gave up. i finally came to my breaking point.
i can honestly say i have become broken for the Lord. & goodness my messy life has slowly been turning back into a beautiful little mess.

so tonight, [Wednesday], i went to youth in Lamesa. it was great. i just laughed and laughed with wonderful people. worship was absolutely amazing for me. honestly, it was probably the first time i have felt the presence of God and sincerely worshipped Him in a long time. i just stood there thinking, "I love Jesus!" and "Gosh, God. I love you." it sounds terrible but i haven't sincerely told God i loved Him since this Summer. i can't even begin to tell you how beautiful my "gracious and compassionate, and slow to anger and abounding in love" Jesus is.

i have to tell you my favorite part of the night though. before worship & after all the laughter, i found my a sweet, sweet friend, Sharayah, in a room alone listening music & praying. she was just spending time with God. i opening the door and went & sat down next to her on the ground. we simply sat there and talked about our lives, all the while with music playing over us in the background. she is such a dear friend with such a sweet and loving heart. i told her about pretty much everything in this blog [and more]. she replied with some of the kindest, and loving compliments. Shay has been such a beautiful encouragement and blessing to me. just sitting there talking to her about our struggles with God and the amazingness of Christ, made worship afterwards so much for real for me.

i am so thankful for friends like the ones i have mentioned. but more so, i am so thankful for a gracious, compassionate, slow to anger, and abounding in love God. he is constantly guiding me & restoring me with His amazing love. i am beginning to fall 'back' in love with Jesus. i am beginning to restore this divine romance.

you know, recently, i've begun to relearn how to love...even Wednesdays.
& that makes me fall in love with Jesus all the more.