I'll admit that I fell into this fear and suffered for testing anxiety last night. & just so you know, text don't usually scare me....
The way I deal with nervous situations is 'hiding' from them. Let me explain. I simply pretend the competition day or in this case, testing day, doesn't exist. Literally, I hit it to the back of my mind and pretend I don't know of such a thing. & surprisingly, it works. That is, until the night before...
Yesterday morning, I went to church all pepped up because I just LOVE seeing my youth group & church family. They make me smile without trying! My youth minister, Harris, had asked me and a couple of my friends to give a short testimony for a fundraiser for our summer camps on Wednesday. I forgot about it, ...until Sunday morning. Needless to say, I pretty much winged it. But, before hand I jokingly made up a speech with my friend. We were just killing time, but it made me laugh. Then Harris came up & asked if we were ready. I gave him my fake speech then put my thumbs up! :) He added this slogan, "Youth camp... It Changes Lives!" I got all sorts of excited claiming I was going to do that when I went up to talk. Of course no one believed me... they never do. So whenever I actually did it, I threw my fist up at the same time! I watched as all my friends in my youth group shook their heads and joined the church in laughter! It was good. Then later, this little boy named Carter, played Amazing Grace on the violin. It was so beautiful, such a blessing!
Sunday afternoon, I went to the movies to watch The Hunger Games with people I'm honored to call my friends. I love them dearly, & I am so thankful for all they do. It was nice getting out & avoiding all of the anxiety I knew I would face come night. & might I add, the movie was fabulous, but of course the book is better. :)
At seven, I went to small groups. (Small Groups is held at Harris' house. We just fellowship & discuss things on our mind.) On this night it literally was a 'small group.' There was only me & another friend from youth there. Harris asked us what was going on in our lives and I told him that I was pretty nervous for the test Monday & Tuesday. When he asked my friend, who is a senior, he talked about scholarships and his plans for after graduation. We simply talked and enjoyed each other for about an hour, then Harris asked if he could pray for us. Harris prayed for my friend, asking God to guide him & bless him as he graduates and heads out into the world. When Harris prayed for me, he asked God to be with me during the tests & allow me to glorify Him through it. I am SO thankful for this prayer. It made the difference in how I went through the day today.
After small groups I came home & got ready to go to sleep. As a tradition, my Daddy prayed with me about the test. He does the night of every state test.
Then, I went to my room closing the door behind me. I opened my bible and read Psalm 143:10 through Psalm 150:6. (if you haven't read it, you should look it up.) It's a psalm of David and he is praising God the whole time. It's so sincere & pure. It brought my heart joy. With this said, I pulled out my prayer journal and began weeping. It wasn't tears of fear, but tears of humility. All I could pray out loud was, "You are so amazing!" I live for moments like this. Jesus is so worthy it makes me speechless. I stand in awe of Him with my arms wide open. I'm oh so lost in this divine romance. I love Him and am proud to be allowed to freely serve Him and bring Him glory through all I do. [1 Corinthians 10:31] He makes me happy, truly happy. He is all I want. All I am is His. I belong to King Jesus! He has captured my heart & I will forever love Him!
Oh Jesus,
make me yours. make me less & teach me to share your love and bring you glory. you are amazing. you are beautiful. simple as that.
When I got to school today, I went into my assistant principal's office. He is a cool man of God. I've gotten to talk to him a lot this year. I asked him to pray for us & nodded saying he already had been. In the classroom, my best friend, Starmie and I, had the privilege to pray for the class before the test started. glorifying Jesus... I don't know what that prayer did for everyone else, but I know it brought me comfort and joy.
The test was pretty easy. I had myself totally psyched out before the actual test. Silly me. Anyways, for fun, after I was finished, I wrote JESUS LOVES YOU <3 on every blank page in the work booklet. It made me smile. I know people probably won't see it, but on the slight chance that they do, I hope it makes them smile too! :)
I'll leave you with this verse, which is one of my favorites at the moment. :) I pray Jesus teaches me to be more like Him daily...
"Show me your ways, O Lord,
teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long."
-Psalm 25:4-5
