movies.

I'd say I've seen a fair share of movies in my few years of life, but I recently realized something about myself from watching movies. I always want to watch the beginning then skip to the end. I always want to skip the frustrating parts where everything seems terrible and it's hard to believe the movie will actually end good. I tend to forget that the most frustrating parts of movies make the movie so much better in the end.
I've realized that's how I am in life too. I always want to skip past the hard days. the stressful day. the days i just want to stay in bed and pretend the world is perfect. the days when i have to trust Jesus the most and have faith His plan is perfect. I tend to wish the most frustrating parts of life didn't exist. I tend to forget that the most frustrating parts of life make the end so much better.

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." -Luke 9:23

"and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me." -Matthew 10:38

Sometimes, I find myself wishing verses like these had never been written. maybe because i'm human, imperfect. maybe because then i could claim i didn't know the path to Jesus' feet would be filled with hardship and give up. or maybe because i'm a selfish sinner who doesn't want to go through any bit of bad to get to an amazingly good ending.
I struggle with that. I find myself questioning God and all He does. I'm constantly wanting everything to always be good all the time. for everyone to be happy. for pain to be crushed. Then I'm reminded that God works in people's life through good and bad. God works in my life through good and bad.
He hears every prayer. He feels every tear. He continuously pours out His love on me and because I'm a selfish sinner, I receive Jesus' love and grace and want better. Sometimes, my silly little heart, forgets that God is better than better. God is truer than true. God is gooder than good. [& yes. i meant gooder.] God is everything glorious. God is divine. God is perfect.
and so are all of His plans. as where my plans are flawed, His are flawlessly perfect, glorious and divine.
I've recently been reminded that Jesus has everything in this life under control and I can't even begin to explain how reassuring that is.
I'm done fast-forwarding through the frustrating parts of movies, but more importantly...
I'm done denying the frustrating parts of life.
Instead, I'm choosing to deny myself.
Instead, I'm choosing to take up my cross daily.
Instead, I'm choosing to follow Christ through the good and through the bad, because in the end I know it's beautifully worth it.