diving in deep.

what I haven't mentioned in my past few blogs is that Will Reagan & the United Pursuit recently came out with the new album, Endless Years.
[It. is. golden. and. I. loveeee. it. :D]

my favorite song on the album is probably "Give Me A Song," [you definitely need to look it up].
one of the lines in the song says,

"...sink or swim, I'm diving in to the passion of Your heart where love starts..."

this little phrase stands out to me every time I listen to the song, which is quite a bit. throughout the past year, I've developed this little image about my relationship with Jesus. I've got to tell a little story for it to make sense though.
so on the block where I lived for eleven years up until this Summer, there is a yard with almost solid concrete. for some reason this yard always got the best rain puddles after a thunderstorm. my sisters & I, along with all the neighborhood kids, used to ride our bikes as fast as we could through the water. but, we also would set down our bikes, take off our shoes, roll up our pants, & splash and dance around in these glorious rain puddles.

I picture my relationship with Jesus like this. it all started by dancing in the rain puddles. it all started by making a mess and splashing around in this glorious divine romance.

what you probably don't know is I have also spent the last eleven years of my life living across the street from the public pool. [there was never a quite Summer day, if you were wondering.]
so here my friends & I were splashing around in these rain puddles across the street from a giant public pool never once even acknowledging the irony.

I picture my relationship with Jesus like this. I continuously splash around in rain puddles of faith not acknowledging the fact that i could be diving into deep waters right across the street.

I have this image in my head of a little girl splashing around in rain puddles on a dull cloudy day.
I also have this image in my head of a little girl diving into this pool ungracefully. that's right. as ungraceful as possible this little girl dives into the deep end of a pool and immediately gets soaked in this freezing cold water & still chooses to get out and repeat this anything but pretty, dive.
over & over & over, she does this.

I picture my relationship with Jesus like this. I ungracefully dive into His loving heart & immediately get soaked up in His glorious passion.  over & over & over, I do this.

but, sometimes I get 'tired.' as much as I hate to say this, sometimes I don't want to dive into Jesus' heart.

I also have this image in my head of water being dumped on this little girl. again, she is immediately soaked, but didn't do anything to be soaked. water was poured on top of her. over & over & over again.

I picture my relationship with Jesus like this. God is constantly, [whether I am diving in or not], pouring His love & forgiveness all over me. over & over & over again.
Jesus is so good to me. Jesus is too good to me.

"...God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit..." -Romans 5:5
"Many waters cannot quench this love; rivers cannot wash it away." -Song of Songs 8:7

Jesus,
give me a song to sing & will sing it to you, oh God. sink or swim, I'm diving into the passion of your heart where love starts.
-ungraceful little me.

beautiful little friendships.

the past two days have been very good for my heart. i spent the majority of the past two days in Lamesa, which was just wonderful. on the forty minute drive home i had time to think, and all i could really think about were my friends. my dear, sweet friends. what lovely blessings each and everyone of my friends are to me.
i think that's been one of the hardest and neatest things about moving. i've begun to realize just how much time and energy you pour into friendships, but i've also realized how worth the time and energy is. plus i've gained new little friendships which aren't near as strong, but i know that even new friendships will turn out beautiful some day.
the past two days, i've gotten to see quite a few 'old' friends. some i expected to see and some were unexpected run-ins at the perfect time. i have enjoyed talking to each one of these friends and basically just being with them.
the past two days, i've also had quite a lot of friends i didn't get to see, but those little friendships are still such a blessing in my life. goodness, friends are so good for the heart.
God has poured all of this love into my life and so much of that love comes from these beautiful little friendships. i've learned so much from my friends. i've learned so much about God and His love from my friends. God has [and continues to]  blessed me with such sweet people in my life. such sweet friends and family. goodness, i love all of these dear people.
so as i sat in the car for forty minutes tonight, i thought about how loved i am. about how blessed i am. about how thankful i am for all God continues to pour over me. He is such a gracious and loving God. He is constantly blowing my mind at all i have to be thankful for.
but, tonight, i am especially thankful for sweet friends.
tonight, i am especially thankful for the blessings i have in all of my beautiful little friendships.

"A friend loves at all times..." -Proverbs 17:17

movies.

I'd say I've seen a fair share of movies in my few years of life, but I recently realized something about myself from watching movies. I always want to watch the beginning then skip to the end. I always want to skip the frustrating parts where everything seems terrible and it's hard to believe the movie will actually end good. I tend to forget that the most frustrating parts of movies make the movie so much better in the end.
I've realized that's how I am in life too. I always want to skip past the hard days. the stressful day. the days i just want to stay in bed and pretend the world is perfect. the days when i have to trust Jesus the most and have faith His plan is perfect. I tend to wish the most frustrating parts of life didn't exist. I tend to forget that the most frustrating parts of life make the end so much better.

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." -Luke 9:23

"and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me." -Matthew 10:38

Sometimes, I find myself wishing verses like these had never been written. maybe because i'm human, imperfect. maybe because then i could claim i didn't know the path to Jesus' feet would be filled with hardship and give up. or maybe because i'm a selfish sinner who doesn't want to go through any bit of bad to get to an amazingly good ending.
I struggle with that. I find myself questioning God and all He does. I'm constantly wanting everything to always be good all the time. for everyone to be happy. for pain to be crushed. Then I'm reminded that God works in people's life through good and bad. God works in my life through good and bad.
He hears every prayer. He feels every tear. He continuously pours out His love on me and because I'm a selfish sinner, I receive Jesus' love and grace and want better. Sometimes, my silly little heart, forgets that God is better than better. God is truer than true. God is gooder than good. [& yes. i meant gooder.] God is everything glorious. God is divine. God is perfect.
and so are all of His plans. as where my plans are flawed, His are flawlessly perfect, glorious and divine.
I've recently been reminded that Jesus has everything in this life under control and I can't even begin to explain how reassuring that is.
I'm done fast-forwarding through the frustrating parts of movies, but more importantly...
I'm done denying the frustrating parts of life.
Instead, I'm choosing to deny myself.
Instead, I'm choosing to take up my cross daily.
Instead, I'm choosing to follow Christ through the good and through the bad, because in the end I know it's beautifully worth it.