I've just felt really anxious lately.
I don't mean anxious in a good way, but more in a bitter tone.
It's been about two and a half months since I last really blogged and don't get me wrong, the last couple of months have been great! So great, actually! I've made a lot of really good memories, and have overall been extremely happy.
It's a strange, joyous feeling when you realize Jesus is all you need. His love completely satisfies me, yet at the same time I just can get enough. I want MORE of Him.
It's only been about the past week that I have begun feeling so anxious. It seems that I am trying to find other things to feel my time. Things that make me look like I'm playing the role of a "good Christian," but in my heart I'm not genuinely loving Jesus.
I guess maybe I've been a lot like Martha lately and not enough like Mary.
You probably know the story of these two sisters well. It can be found in Luke 10:38-42.
[If not, go read it really quickly.]
In verse 38, we see that it is Martha who originally opens up her home to Jesus and his disciples, not Mary. And when you continue reading, it is Martha who makes the preparations for Jesus and his disciples, not Mary. At a glance, Martha seems like a woman with a true servant's heart. She wants everything to be perfect for Jesus. But, Martha becomes distracted by her work and forgets what is more important- spending time with her Lord.
Mary, on the other hand, as we see in verse 39, "sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he had said." Martha became frustrated because Mary wasn't helping her.
In verse 41 and 42, Jesus responds to Martha by saying, "You are worried and upset about many things, but ONLY ONE THING IS NEEDED. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."
Woah. In the end, it's more important to know Jesus and spend time with Him. Serving The Lord is great and is a calling of Christ followers, but if your heart isn't in the right place then your time spent serving and loving is a waste. Only one thing is needed and that is to know and be known by God.
Paul says it best in Galatians 4:9.
"But now that you know God- or rather are known by God- how is it that you are turning back to those weak and miserable principles? Do you wish to be enslaved by them all over again?"
Again, Woah. If I, as a Christian, believe I am truly known by the creator of the universe, then why in the world would I want to turn back to my old ways?
I know I don't understand even a portion of how our sovereign Lord works, but I do trust Him. Honestly, it's days especially like today when I'm acting like a Martha, that being a Mary sounds so much more enjoyable and ultimately, it sounds freeing to my spirit.
"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." -Galatians 5:1
Sitting at the feet of the Lord sounds inviting and peaceful. That's exactly what Jesus has promised us, peace and freedom.
I've just felt really anxious lately, BUT thankfully Jesus pursues me through this anxiety and loves me endlessly. He is so good, so gracious.
Only one thing is needed.
Only Jesus is needed.
"...Peace to all of you who are in Christ." -1 Peter 5:14
