cry of my heart.

crying is one of the worst, most beautiful and sincere things there is in the world.

& just to be clear, i'm not talking about about tears like when a baby is born or someone gets married. i'm not even necessarily talking about funeral tears.
i'm talking about a cry that is soundless in between the silent screams. a cry that brings you to your knees. a cry full of sobbing eyes. a cry that makes you pull at your hair. a cry that gets your face all wet. a cry that makes your head hurt. a cry that comes from your heart.

you know, sometimes you just need a good cry. sometimes you happen to be with others. sometimes you might even be with strangers. and other times, you're alone when you need a good cry. alone with Jesus, that is.

So, I've developed this little theory about crying. Out of all age groups, who cries the most?? babies. cute, adorable, we do anything for them, babies. Most cries from a baby are because they need something, and they are breaking down because they realize they must have someone else satisfy this need for them. babies mainly cry because they are dependent on someone else.

After babies are raised up to be independent young people, they rarely cry. Children mainly cry when they have been hurt, are exhausted, or have been through something very rough. The same goes for everyone older than a young child.

i know i cry when i'm hurt, extremely exhausted, or have been through something very rough. sometimes i cry because of all three at the same time.

Jesus cried. Actually, Jesus wept. even a sinless man needed a good cry. That humbles me.

James 4:10 says, "You must get on your knees before the Father, for it is the only way to get on your feet."

i've recently noticed, that when i cry out to Jesus through the screams and shouts, i find myself on my knees. in a place a humility. in a place of surrender. i find myself going back to the basics of being a baby. i find myself realizing i need someone else to satisfy me. when i cry, i find myself becoming more dependent on the Lord. (& how thankful am I that He such an amazing dependable God!!)

when i cry out to Jesus, i find myself falling more in love with my beautiful Creator.

it is so sweet to cry out to Jesus. it is one of the most beautiful, sincere things to do. crying out to a Savior whose love is extravagant and whose grace is enough definitely takes some weight off your shoulders.

Psalm 50:15 says, "and call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me."

Calling upon the Lord doesn't sound all that bad, especially when He promises to deliver us.
the cry of my heart is to bring Jesus praise. whether that praise be through loving others, witnessing, singing, dancing, laughing, or even in my lowest valley crying on my knees, i will praise my glorious King.

For you, I sing, I dance.
I rejoice in this divine romance.
Lift my heart, and my hands,
to show my love.
to show my love. 

through the ups and through the downs,
let this chorus forever be the cry of my heart.

forever & a day.

yesterday i got to see some of the people i love the absolute most in this world. yesterday i got to see some of the people i hold most dear in this world. seeing them, visiting with them, laughing with them, & loving with them left me in wonder. God uses the simplest little things to humble me and show me his incredible love day in & day out. i am left humbled in a state of wonder of my merciful God. He has this amazing plan for my life, for everyone's life, & they're all intertwined with each other. it's hard to grasp. God is good, & He loves everyone. i will forever worship this King i so humbly am allowed to serve. i will forever be in awe of the God who created me. i'm so thankful for his incredible love, & mercy, & grace. He makes me happy. i will follow Him. i will praise Him. i will bow at His feet forever & a day.

the same.

Since I found out I was moving, Sundays have been hard. not completely, just Sunday mornings. Sundays is church day. & since I found out I was moving, church has been pretty tough. I absolutely love going to church, fellowshipping, worshipping, & loving with others. I absolutely love the others that I fellowshipped, worshipped, & loved with. It was hard going to church weekly, knowing I would be moving away from those sweet people I love.
My last Sunday at FBC Lamesa, I read a letter to my church family. No one knew except for me & my pastor. It was probably one of the most beautiful things I've ever been a part of or witnessed. Just to be clear, I was fine until I looked up and saw my two bestfriends in the whole world trying to hide tears in their eyes. I broke down then. Shortly after, the whole church broke down with. & by the whole church, I mean the WHOLE church.
It. was. beautiful.
It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but it was beautiful.
Since I've moved, I've been to FBC Seminole four times. The church has been so kind & welcoming but it's still hard. Now, instead of thinking about what's ahead in Seminole, I think of what's behind in Lamesa.

I'm reading 'A Separate Peace' for school, and I like this quote.

"So the more things remain the same, the more they change after all -plus c'est la meme chose, plus ca change." 

I guess I like it because I can relate. So many things have changed in my life recently.
towns. homes. rooms. neighbors. schools. churches. addresses. phone numbers. my perspective on things. little things. big things. even inbetween things.
Yet, through this move, so many things have stayed the same.
people I live with. family. color of room. education. the color of trees. the taste of water. friends. love. blue skies. my personality. little things. big things. even inbetween things. the love, grace, & mercy of Jesus Christ.
but more than anything, the love of my life, Jesus has stayed the same.

God has taught me a lot since I moved to Seminole a month ago. God continues to teach me. He teaches me to have joy. love. dance. forgive. be patient. trust. trust. trust. He teaches me more about who He is. His beauty. His love. His mercy. His grace. He teaches me to trust in His perfect plan.
but more than anything, God has been teaching me that He is, was, and will be exactly the same.

Hebrews 13:8 says,

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."

Did you read that?
Jesus Christ, the son of God. the Savior of the world. the King of all Kings. the Prince of peace. Jesus the Messiah, is THE SAME yesterday, and today, and forever. for all eternity.
pretty humbling, if you ask me. pretty reassuring, if you ask me. pretty amazing, if you ask me.

everyone's life is full of changes, not just mine. life is full of changes.
But one thing is for certain, no matter how many things change in your life,
Jesus was. Jesus is. Jesus always will be.

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

Can I get an amen!?!!

learning to dance at midnight.

 [it's gonna be short.] I was scrolling through tweets & pins while listening to my Pandora this afternoon. Lockstep by Will Reagan & The United Pursuit began to play. The lyrics caught me off guard. [you should definitely go check it out.]

Safe from all the raging storms,
Find me in your loving arms, Free from all my doubt and fears.
I have found a haven here.
Hallelujah, he is with me.
I am not alone.
Your love is sweeter than honey.
Your love is stronger than death.
Your love lifts me of my burdens.
Teaches me to dance. Lockstep with my God and King.
Move in perfect harmony.
Feel the rhythms of his heart.
Know the joy that he imparts.
Halelujah. 

I am learning to trust in God more & more everyday.
I am learning to have faith in God's greater plan.
Jesus is teaching me to dance in perfect harmony with Him, day & night.
I am learning to dance with my God and King. Hallelujah!

Lockstep by Will Reagan & The United Pursuit

so good, so so good to me.

God is gracious. God is faithful. This week has been full of joy and peace. I am so thankful to say I have experienced salvation and the love of a forgiving, awesome God. Jesus fills my heart up. 


"I waited patiently upon the Lord and He inclined and heard my cry.
He pulled me out of the miry clay. He set my feet upon a rock.

He gave me beauty for ashes, and joy for my mourning, and praise for heaviness
He put a new song in my mouth and a crown upon my head.
He gave me life forevermore.


He's been so good, so so good to me. So good, so so good to me. So good, so so good to me.
Jesus. He's been so good, so so good to me.


Cause He picked me up and He turned me around and He placed my feet on the solid ground.
Hallelujah, Hallelujah


I've got love, joy, peace, and righteousness in the Holy Spirit. woah-oh-oh-oh. yeah.


He's been so good, so so good to me. So good, so so good to me. So good, so so good to me.
Jesus. He's been so good, so so good to me."

 Jesus has been so good, so so good to me.

Jesus is so good, so so good to me.

Jesus will be so good, so so good to me.

my King makes me smile. He gives me love. He gives me joy. He gives me peace. He teaches me to be righteous. I'm so ever thankful for this lovely Creator. this lovely Savior. He is incredible. i am desperate for Him. He is holy. He is worthy. He loves me. He loves me. Oh, how He loves me. I love His goodness. I love His righteousness. I love His peace. I love His joy. I love His love. I love Him.

oh, how i love you, Jesus. thank You for never leaving me. thank You for your love. thank You for being who You are. thank You for being so good, so so good to me. i hold my heart out to You. i love You. i love You. i love You.

worship is more than a song.

"you can sing all you want to and still get it wrong. oh, worship is more than a song."

These lyrics have been on my heart alot the past few weeks. I have cried over them. I've been stung by them. I've smiled over them. but, mostly, I've just been humbled by them.

Worship is a beautiful thing to me. It's meant to be sincere, & far too often, it's not. Far too often, I catch myself just singing a song in a crowded room, calling it worship. i get carried away with the decorations & i forget we can worship anywhere. i forget worship is more than a song. i forget worship is supposed to be a life-style. i forget worship is praising Jesus & giving God all the glory.

"The Lord says: 'These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men."  -Isaiah 29:13

I do not want God to say this of me. I want His worship from my mouth to be sincere. to be real.  I want His worship from my life to bring Him glory, honor, and fame. I want the life I live to reflect Jesus' love & mercy & grace. the love & mercy & grace He daily shows me. I desire for my heart to be close to God.

today has been a good day of worship for my heart. it's been a good day for this divine romance, and I desire for my worship to be so much more than a song.

change me by your beauty, Lord.  teach me to love like you. fill my heart with you. remind me that worship is more than a song.

Clear the Stage by Jimmy Needham

Songs of Praise

Isaiah 12.

"In that day you will say:


'I will praise you, O Lord. 
Although you were angry with me, 
your anger has turned away 
and you have comforted me.
Surely God is my salvation;
I will trust and not be afraid.
The Lord, the Lord, is my strength and my song;
he has become my salvation.'
With joy you will draw water 
from the wells of salvation.


In that day you will say:


'Give thanks to the Lord, call on his name;
make known among the nations what he has done,
and proclaim that his name is exalted.
Sing to the Lord, for he has done glorious things;
let this be known to all the world.
Shout aloud and sing for joy, people of Zion,
for great is the Holy One of Israel among you.'"

 I read this chapter last night. I reread it about 10 times just to let it sink in.
I'm so thankful for a God I can praise ALL the time.
but more than that...
I'm so thankful for a God who deserves my praise ALL the time.

Jesus is my strength & my song.
Jesus has become my salvation.
& because of that,

I will give thanks & sing joyful songs of praise to our mighty King!