I turn 18 in about a week. I'll be a legal adult who can vote for our nation's future leaders, buy sharpies, and probably do a whole lot of other things I don't know about and that's terrifying. I go to register for COLLEGE classes at Hardin-Simmons the day before my birthday. Did you catch that? College? Me? What? About 78.6% of the time I don't think I am ready. I can't even go through the drive-thru at the local bank without making a fool of myself, but I'm supposed to juggle college and adult-like things without my parents by my side in a few short months and if I'm not careful, the worry will eat me alive.
There is also the missing-people-factor. Since I moved forty miles down the road almost three years ago, missing friends has been one of my deepest struggles and to know I'm about to move off and miss even more people is, simply put, depressing. I know I'll make more (hopefully super kind, loving, and patient) friends in Abilene, but it seems that my life is turning out to be a never ending cycle of making friends, moving, missing old friends, making new friends, moving again, and missing even more old friends. I fear that my heart won't be able to handle loving and missing THAT many people THAT deeply all the time.
Needless to say, I am a living wreck who overthinks and worries a little too much. I'm scared to death of failure, not really in careers, but in my friendships and dreams. The past few months have been filled with many late nights wondering what's to come and how I'll handle it.
I can't handle it though. I get exhausted just thinking about a scholarship application and a concurrent sociology quiz that needs to be turned in. I can't even do senior year with grace and dignity alone so there is no way I can maintain good grades and build healthy friendships while living in a dorm on a lousy mattress without some help.
It's only fitting for the only genuine comfort and solid peace I have found this past semester to come from the Lord. Jesus is so good at calming my petty fears and patiently teaching me to trust Him.
It's neat to know the same guy who dined with tax collectors and healed the lame and blind is constantly sustaining me and showing me His faithfulness and abundance of love. He is a good God and I don't know what I would do in my future without Him present.
"Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge." -Psalm 62:8
"Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings... Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful."
-Hebrews 10:22-23
I'm not sure what's ahead, and I still am not fully convinced I'm ready, but I'm confident in Christ and giddy for the growth and adventure to come.
(side note: If you've read this through, would you please pray for Jesus to continue to teach me to love people regardless of potential heartaches from hurt feelings or solely missing them. That would mean the world. Thank you!)
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."
-Romans 15:13
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