diving in deep.

what I haven't mentioned in my past few blogs is that Will Reagan & the United Pursuit recently came out with the new album, Endless Years.
[It. is. golden. and. I. loveeee. it. :D]

my favorite song on the album is probably "Give Me A Song," [you definitely need to look it up].
one of the lines in the song says,

"...sink or swim, I'm diving in to the passion of Your heart where love starts..."

this little phrase stands out to me every time I listen to the song, which is quite a bit. throughout the past year, I've developed this little image about my relationship with Jesus. I've got to tell a little story for it to make sense though.
so on the block where I lived for eleven years up until this Summer, there is a yard with almost solid concrete. for some reason this yard always got the best rain puddles after a thunderstorm. my sisters & I, along with all the neighborhood kids, used to ride our bikes as fast as we could through the water. but, we also would set down our bikes, take off our shoes, roll up our pants, & splash and dance around in these glorious rain puddles.

I picture my relationship with Jesus like this. it all started by dancing in the rain puddles. it all started by making a mess and splashing around in this glorious divine romance.

what you probably don't know is I have also spent the last eleven years of my life living across the street from the public pool. [there was never a quite Summer day, if you were wondering.]
so here my friends & I were splashing around in these rain puddles across the street from a giant public pool never once even acknowledging the irony.

I picture my relationship with Jesus like this. I continuously splash around in rain puddles of faith not acknowledging the fact that i could be diving into deep waters right across the street.

I have this image in my head of a little girl splashing around in rain puddles on a dull cloudy day.
I also have this image in my head of a little girl diving into this pool ungracefully. that's right. as ungraceful as possible this little girl dives into the deep end of a pool and immediately gets soaked in this freezing cold water & still chooses to get out and repeat this anything but pretty, dive.
over & over & over, she does this.

I picture my relationship with Jesus like this. I ungracefully dive into His loving heart & immediately get soaked up in His glorious passion.  over & over & over, I do this.

but, sometimes I get 'tired.' as much as I hate to say this, sometimes I don't want to dive into Jesus' heart.

I also have this image in my head of water being dumped on this little girl. again, she is immediately soaked, but didn't do anything to be soaked. water was poured on top of her. over & over & over again.

I picture my relationship with Jesus like this. God is constantly, [whether I am diving in or not], pouring His love & forgiveness all over me. over & over & over again.
Jesus is so good to me. Jesus is too good to me.

"...God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit..." -Romans 5:5
"Many waters cannot quench this love; rivers cannot wash it away." -Song of Songs 8:7

Jesus,
give me a song to sing & will sing it to you, oh God. sink or swim, I'm diving into the passion of your heart where love starts.
-ungraceful little me.

beautiful little friendships.

the past two days have been very good for my heart. i spent the majority of the past two days in Lamesa, which was just wonderful. on the forty minute drive home i had time to think, and all i could really think about were my friends. my dear, sweet friends. what lovely blessings each and everyone of my friends are to me.
i think that's been one of the hardest and neatest things about moving. i've begun to realize just how much time and energy you pour into friendships, but i've also realized how worth the time and energy is. plus i've gained new little friendships which aren't near as strong, but i know that even new friendships will turn out beautiful some day.
the past two days, i've gotten to see quite a few 'old' friends. some i expected to see and some were unexpected run-ins at the perfect time. i have enjoyed talking to each one of these friends and basically just being with them.
the past two days, i've also had quite a lot of friends i didn't get to see, but those little friendships are still such a blessing in my life. goodness, friends are so good for the heart.
God has poured all of this love into my life and so much of that love comes from these beautiful little friendships. i've learned so much from my friends. i've learned so much about God and His love from my friends. God has [and continues to]  blessed me with such sweet people in my life. such sweet friends and family. goodness, i love all of these dear people.
so as i sat in the car for forty minutes tonight, i thought about how loved i am. about how blessed i am. about how thankful i am for all God continues to pour over me. He is such a gracious and loving God. He is constantly blowing my mind at all i have to be thankful for.
but, tonight, i am especially thankful for sweet friends.
tonight, i am especially thankful for the blessings i have in all of my beautiful little friendships.

"A friend loves at all times..." -Proverbs 17:17

movies.

I'd say I've seen a fair share of movies in my few years of life, but I recently realized something about myself from watching movies. I always want to watch the beginning then skip to the end. I always want to skip the frustrating parts where everything seems terrible and it's hard to believe the movie will actually end good. I tend to forget that the most frustrating parts of movies make the movie so much better in the end.
I've realized that's how I am in life too. I always want to skip past the hard days. the stressful day. the days i just want to stay in bed and pretend the world is perfect. the days when i have to trust Jesus the most and have faith His plan is perfect. I tend to wish the most frustrating parts of life didn't exist. I tend to forget that the most frustrating parts of life make the end so much better.

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." -Luke 9:23

"and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me." -Matthew 10:38

Sometimes, I find myself wishing verses like these had never been written. maybe because i'm human, imperfect. maybe because then i could claim i didn't know the path to Jesus' feet would be filled with hardship and give up. or maybe because i'm a selfish sinner who doesn't want to go through any bit of bad to get to an amazingly good ending.
I struggle with that. I find myself questioning God and all He does. I'm constantly wanting everything to always be good all the time. for everyone to be happy. for pain to be crushed. Then I'm reminded that God works in people's life through good and bad. God works in my life through good and bad.
He hears every prayer. He feels every tear. He continuously pours out His love on me and because I'm a selfish sinner, I receive Jesus' love and grace and want better. Sometimes, my silly little heart, forgets that God is better than better. God is truer than true. God is gooder than good. [& yes. i meant gooder.] God is everything glorious. God is divine. God is perfect.
and so are all of His plans. as where my plans are flawed, His are flawlessly perfect, glorious and divine.
I've recently been reminded that Jesus has everything in this life under control and I can't even begin to explain how reassuring that is.
I'm done fast-forwarding through the frustrating parts of movies, but more importantly...
I'm done denying the frustrating parts of life.
Instead, I'm choosing to deny myself.
Instead, I'm choosing to take up my cross daily.
Instead, I'm choosing to follow Christ through the good and through the bad, because in the end I know it's beautifully worth it.

Wednesdays: relearning to love.

ever since i found out i was moving, any day of the week involving church has been hard. when i found out i was moving, i began to almost dread Wednesday nights, Sunday mornings, Sunday nights... you get the idea. it seemed like every time i walking in the church building all kinds of emotions just jumbled up & wanted out.
why?? because youth, Sunday school, small groups, etc. are some of my absolute favorite things in the world. i love the people, but even more, i love the God the people come to worship & talk about.
since i've moved & my family has become members of a new church, going to church has still been a bit hard. especially Wednesday night youth.

i've really been on a roller coaster with God since the middle of June. this divine romance has been very frustrating at times. there are days where being passionate about Jesus is pretty much the last thing on my mind. i know the hard times in our lives are what usually end up bringing God the most glory, but sometimes life is just plain tough & i don't necessarily like it always.

i have expressed much of my frustration to friends & goodness are their responses always so encouraging. a while ago, when i was explaining how different youth was since i've moved and how it had been really hard for me to plug in & enjoy it, a good friend simply said, "Well, I guess you'll just have to relearn to love Wednesdays." & BOOM. that was exactly what i needed to do. [btw, i can promise you that this particular friend of mine has Jesus just oozing out of him. God commonly uses his wisdom to speak to me.] so i have been working my way through this process, but it can still be frustrating.
i have just wanted to give up quite often.
i sure do wish i would've realized 'giving up' was the key.

i am continuously giving things over to God, but i am also continuously taking things back.
i have had to come to the point where giving up is my only option, and it's a very good thing.
my heart also hasn't been sincere with Jesus in a while.

so again, two weeks ago, i was texting a friend pretty much ranting about Wednesdays and my relationship with God. i asked for some scripture and he said to look at Joel 2:11. i opened my Bible up and read that verse. by that point i was bursting in tears. TOTAL GOD MOMENT. then i kept reading through verse 14.

Joel 2:11-14a
"...The day of the Lord is great; it is dreadful. Who can endure it? 'Even now,' declares the Lord, 'return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning. Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity. Who knows? He may turn and have pity and leave behind a blessing--...'"

after reading this, the ugly tears from my sobs just ran down.
at that moment, i gave up. i finally came to my breaking point.
i can honestly say i have become broken for the Lord. & goodness my messy life has slowly been turning back into a beautiful little mess.

so tonight, [Wednesday], i went to youth in Lamesa. it was great. i just laughed and laughed with wonderful people. worship was absolutely amazing for me. honestly, it was probably the first time i have felt the presence of God and sincerely worshipped Him in a long time. i just stood there thinking, "I love Jesus!" and "Gosh, God. I love you." it sounds terrible but i haven't sincerely told God i loved Him since this Summer. i can't even begin to tell you how beautiful my "gracious and compassionate, and slow to anger and abounding in love" Jesus is.

i have to tell you my favorite part of the night though. before worship & after all the laughter, i found my a sweet, sweet friend, Sharayah, in a room alone listening music & praying. she was just spending time with God. i opening the door and went & sat down next to her on the ground. we simply sat there and talked about our lives, all the while with music playing over us in the background. she is such a dear friend with such a sweet and loving heart. i told her about pretty much everything in this blog [and more]. she replied with some of the kindest, and loving compliments. Shay has been such a beautiful encouragement and blessing to me. just sitting there talking to her about our struggles with God and the amazingness of Christ, made worship afterwards so much for real for me.

i am so thankful for friends like the ones i have mentioned. but more so, i am so thankful for a gracious, compassionate, slow to anger, and abounding in love God. he is constantly guiding me & restoring me with His amazing love. i am beginning to fall 'back' in love with Jesus. i am beginning to restore this divine romance.

you know, recently, i've begun to relearn how to love...even Wednesdays.
& that makes me fall in love with Jesus all the more.

broken hearts. no words. restoring love.

I'm finding myself at a loss of words and the funny thing is, it's okay.

I've honestly tried to write this blog about 3 times throughout the past few weeks, but I just haven't been able to put anything into words lately. [shocker. i know.] 

Word of God Speak by MercyMe began playing on pandora a few minutes ago, and now i have a few words, kinda.

to be completely honest, i've just been really exhausted lately. i've had some really good days & i've had some really hard days. some days, i just really don't feel drawn to the Lord and that's probably the reason i've been at a loss for words. some days, i just question God on everything. & other days are good & i spend my moments with a thankful heart. 

some days, i feel broken. 

but most days, i see others broken.

When i'm broken, it all turns out okay because i know i can trust in Jesus to restore me with His love.

but when i see others broken... it breaks my heart into a million tiny little pieces. 

since i've moved, one of the things God has shown me the most is that He answers ALL prayers in some way. before this realization, i prayed a lot about God breaking my heart for what breaks His. i didn't really take that prayer very seriously, but now... now i do.

i see people hurting. i see people struggling. i see people with hard hearts, and my heart breaks for them. i know this is because God is an answerer of prayers. i take praying a lot more seriously now than i did a few months ago. i pray for people in the hallways, in the car on a busy street, facebookers & tweeters. [i even began to pray for a lady on a t.v. show the other day only to be reminded that the character wasn't real.] 

simply put, my heart has been breaking for the broken and it leaves me at a loss of words. the words i do come up with though, are often turned into heartbreaking prayers. 

seeing other ache can sting.

& some days, i just can't take the heart break.

"Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters..." -Isaish 55:1

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." -Matthew 11:28

i am so thankful for a listening God who answers prayers. i am so thankful for a promising God who provides rest. i am so thankful for a loving God who constantly restores. i am so thankful for an understanding God who knows everything on my heart even when i have no words. 

i am so thankful for the awe in God's saving grace and restoring love.

though i sometimes wish the path to Jesus didn't include brokenness, i'm so thankful God continuously hugs my heart tightly and fixes everything. sometimes, the Lord leaves me so speechless.

...I'm finding myself at a loss for words, and the funny thing is, it's okay.

pouring out His love on me.

i think a human's love develops through time & struggles. i think a human's ability to love grows stronger throughout their life. i don't think the moment a person is born they love anyone to a full extent. in a way, people have to be taught to love.

In the book, Blue Like Jazz, (you should definitely check it out!) Donald Miller puts this take on it. "Sometimes you have to watch somebody love something before you can love it yourself. It is as if they are showing you the way."

i've grown up watching people love Jesus. at home. at church. at camps. on mission trips. at events. at concerts. on the street. in the hallways. at a lot of different places.
i read this quote on pinterest the other day, "I fall in love with people's passion, the way their eyes light up when they talk about the thing they love & the way they fill with light."

i've watched people love Jesus throughout my short lifetime. i've fallen in love with people's passion. i've unknowingly been taught how to love by numerous amounts of people in my life, and as i sit here, i can't even begin to explain how thankful i am for every person i've ever spoken with, or seen. i know meeting people, befriending people, and loving people is all a part of God's good works.
i've been taught how to love by people, but more than any person, i've been taught to love and be passionate by Jesus.

i can't, & probably won't ever be able to, fathom the complexity of Jesus' simple & beautiful love. i sit here thinking of how absolutely different His love is from mine. i've had to be taught to love, but Jesus has always known how to love. God created love. God is love. Jesus has always been passionate. God created passion. i've become passionate because i've been taught what passion is.

In Help Me Find My Own Flame by Will Reagan, the chorus says, "I don't want to ride on somebody else's passion. I don't want to find that I'm just dry bones. I want to burn with unquenchable fire. Deep down inside, see it coming alive. Help me find my own flame. Help me find my own fire. I want the real thing. I want your burning desire."

I love that song because it's just so true in my life. i don't want to be just dry bones. i want God to help me find my own flame. my own fire. & i do not want to ride on somebody else's passion. i want my own passion. my own real desire for the Lord growing bigger & brighter daily.

i am so thankful i have been able to watch Jesus love & in return love what He loves. & in return be passionate about His passions. & in return have a burning passion for Him. & in return, love Him. Jesus has constantly been pouring out His love & passion on me. i am so thankful i am able to serve a God who didn't have to be taught to do anything but instead graciously teaches me everything.

i'll leave you with this verse that stood out to me last night. (if you have time, go check out the chapter.)

1 Timothy 1:14 says, "The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.

cry of my heart.

crying is one of the worst, most beautiful and sincere things there is in the world.

& just to be clear, i'm not talking about about tears like when a baby is born or someone gets married. i'm not even necessarily talking about funeral tears.
i'm talking about a cry that is soundless in between the silent screams. a cry that brings you to your knees. a cry full of sobbing eyes. a cry that makes you pull at your hair. a cry that gets your face all wet. a cry that makes your head hurt. a cry that comes from your heart.

you know, sometimes you just need a good cry. sometimes you happen to be with others. sometimes you might even be with strangers. and other times, you're alone when you need a good cry. alone with Jesus, that is.

So, I've developed this little theory about crying. Out of all age groups, who cries the most?? babies. cute, adorable, we do anything for them, babies. Most cries from a baby are because they need something, and they are breaking down because they realize they must have someone else satisfy this need for them. babies mainly cry because they are dependent on someone else.

After babies are raised up to be independent young people, they rarely cry. Children mainly cry when they have been hurt, are exhausted, or have been through something very rough. The same goes for everyone older than a young child.

i know i cry when i'm hurt, extremely exhausted, or have been through something very rough. sometimes i cry because of all three at the same time.

Jesus cried. Actually, Jesus wept. even a sinless man needed a good cry. That humbles me.

James 4:10 says, "You must get on your knees before the Father, for it is the only way to get on your feet."

i've recently noticed, that when i cry out to Jesus through the screams and shouts, i find myself on my knees. in a place a humility. in a place of surrender. i find myself going back to the basics of being a baby. i find myself realizing i need someone else to satisfy me. when i cry, i find myself becoming more dependent on the Lord. (& how thankful am I that He such an amazing dependable God!!)

when i cry out to Jesus, i find myself falling more in love with my beautiful Creator.

it is so sweet to cry out to Jesus. it is one of the most beautiful, sincere things to do. crying out to a Savior whose love is extravagant and whose grace is enough definitely takes some weight off your shoulders.

Psalm 50:15 says, "and call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me."

Calling upon the Lord doesn't sound all that bad, especially when He promises to deliver us.
the cry of my heart is to bring Jesus praise. whether that praise be through loving others, witnessing, singing, dancing, laughing, or even in my lowest valley crying on my knees, i will praise my glorious King.

For you, I sing, I dance.
I rejoice in this divine romance.
Lift my heart, and my hands,
to show my love.
to show my love. 

through the ups and through the downs,
let this chorus forever be the cry of my heart.

forever & a day.

yesterday i got to see some of the people i love the absolute most in this world. yesterday i got to see some of the people i hold most dear in this world. seeing them, visiting with them, laughing with them, & loving with them left me in wonder. God uses the simplest little things to humble me and show me his incredible love day in & day out. i am left humbled in a state of wonder of my merciful God. He has this amazing plan for my life, for everyone's life, & they're all intertwined with each other. it's hard to grasp. God is good, & He loves everyone. i will forever worship this King i so humbly am allowed to serve. i will forever be in awe of the God who created me. i'm so thankful for his incredible love, & mercy, & grace. He makes me happy. i will follow Him. i will praise Him. i will bow at His feet forever & a day.

the same.

Since I found out I was moving, Sundays have been hard. not completely, just Sunday mornings. Sundays is church day. & since I found out I was moving, church has been pretty tough. I absolutely love going to church, fellowshipping, worshipping, & loving with others. I absolutely love the others that I fellowshipped, worshipped, & loved with. It was hard going to church weekly, knowing I would be moving away from those sweet people I love.
My last Sunday at FBC Lamesa, I read a letter to my church family. No one knew except for me & my pastor. It was probably one of the most beautiful things I've ever been a part of or witnessed. Just to be clear, I was fine until I looked up and saw my two bestfriends in the whole world trying to hide tears in their eyes. I broke down then. Shortly after, the whole church broke down with. & by the whole church, I mean the WHOLE church.
It. was. beautiful.
It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but it was beautiful.
Since I've moved, I've been to FBC Seminole four times. The church has been so kind & welcoming but it's still hard. Now, instead of thinking about what's ahead in Seminole, I think of what's behind in Lamesa.

I'm reading 'A Separate Peace' for school, and I like this quote.

"So the more things remain the same, the more they change after all -plus c'est la meme chose, plus ca change." 

I guess I like it because I can relate. So many things have changed in my life recently.
towns. homes. rooms. neighbors. schools. churches. addresses. phone numbers. my perspective on things. little things. big things. even inbetween things.
Yet, through this move, so many things have stayed the same.
people I live with. family. color of room. education. the color of trees. the taste of water. friends. love. blue skies. my personality. little things. big things. even inbetween things. the love, grace, & mercy of Jesus Christ.
but more than anything, the love of my life, Jesus has stayed the same.

God has taught me a lot since I moved to Seminole a month ago. God continues to teach me. He teaches me to have joy. love. dance. forgive. be patient. trust. trust. trust. He teaches me more about who He is. His beauty. His love. His mercy. His grace. He teaches me to trust in His perfect plan.
but more than anything, God has been teaching me that He is, was, and will be exactly the same.

Hebrews 13:8 says,

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."

Did you read that?
Jesus Christ, the son of God. the Savior of the world. the King of all Kings. the Prince of peace. Jesus the Messiah, is THE SAME yesterday, and today, and forever. for all eternity.
pretty humbling, if you ask me. pretty reassuring, if you ask me. pretty amazing, if you ask me.

everyone's life is full of changes, not just mine. life is full of changes.
But one thing is for certain, no matter how many things change in your life,
Jesus was. Jesus is. Jesus always will be.

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

Can I get an amen!?!!

learning to dance at midnight.

 [it's gonna be short.] I was scrolling through tweets & pins while listening to my Pandora this afternoon. Lockstep by Will Reagan & The United Pursuit began to play. The lyrics caught me off guard. [you should definitely go check it out.]

Safe from all the raging storms,
Find me in your loving arms, Free from all my doubt and fears.
I have found a haven here.
Hallelujah, he is with me.
I am not alone.
Your love is sweeter than honey.
Your love is stronger than death.
Your love lifts me of my burdens.
Teaches me to dance. Lockstep with my God and King.
Move in perfect harmony.
Feel the rhythms of his heart.
Know the joy that he imparts.
Halelujah. 

I am learning to trust in God more & more everyday.
I am learning to have faith in God's greater plan.
Jesus is teaching me to dance in perfect harmony with Him, day & night.
I am learning to dance with my God and King. Hallelujah!

Lockstep by Will Reagan & The United Pursuit

so good, so so good to me.

God is gracious. God is faithful. This week has been full of joy and peace. I am so thankful to say I have experienced salvation and the love of a forgiving, awesome God. Jesus fills my heart up. 


"I waited patiently upon the Lord and He inclined and heard my cry.
He pulled me out of the miry clay. He set my feet upon a rock.

He gave me beauty for ashes, and joy for my mourning, and praise for heaviness
He put a new song in my mouth and a crown upon my head.
He gave me life forevermore.


He's been so good, so so good to me. So good, so so good to me. So good, so so good to me.
Jesus. He's been so good, so so good to me.


Cause He picked me up and He turned me around and He placed my feet on the solid ground.
Hallelujah, Hallelujah


I've got love, joy, peace, and righteousness in the Holy Spirit. woah-oh-oh-oh. yeah.


He's been so good, so so good to me. So good, so so good to me. So good, so so good to me.
Jesus. He's been so good, so so good to me."

 Jesus has been so good, so so good to me.

Jesus is so good, so so good to me.

Jesus will be so good, so so good to me.

my King makes me smile. He gives me love. He gives me joy. He gives me peace. He teaches me to be righteous. I'm so ever thankful for this lovely Creator. this lovely Savior. He is incredible. i am desperate for Him. He is holy. He is worthy. He loves me. He loves me. Oh, how He loves me. I love His goodness. I love His righteousness. I love His peace. I love His joy. I love His love. I love Him.

oh, how i love you, Jesus. thank You for never leaving me. thank You for your love. thank You for being who You are. thank You for being so good, so so good to me. i hold my heart out to You. i love You. i love You. i love You.

worship is more than a song.

"you can sing all you want to and still get it wrong. oh, worship is more than a song."

These lyrics have been on my heart alot the past few weeks. I have cried over them. I've been stung by them. I've smiled over them. but, mostly, I've just been humbled by them.

Worship is a beautiful thing to me. It's meant to be sincere, & far too often, it's not. Far too often, I catch myself just singing a song in a crowded room, calling it worship. i get carried away with the decorations & i forget we can worship anywhere. i forget worship is more than a song. i forget worship is supposed to be a life-style. i forget worship is praising Jesus & giving God all the glory.

"The Lord says: 'These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men."  -Isaiah 29:13

I do not want God to say this of me. I want His worship from my mouth to be sincere. to be real.  I want His worship from my life to bring Him glory, honor, and fame. I want the life I live to reflect Jesus' love & mercy & grace. the love & mercy & grace He daily shows me. I desire for my heart to be close to God.

today has been a good day of worship for my heart. it's been a good day for this divine romance, and I desire for my worship to be so much more than a song.

change me by your beauty, Lord.  teach me to love like you. fill my heart with you. remind me that worship is more than a song.

Clear the Stage by Jimmy Needham

Songs of Praise

Isaiah 12.

"In that day you will say:


'I will praise you, O Lord. 
Although you were angry with me, 
your anger has turned away 
and you have comforted me.
Surely God is my salvation;
I will trust and not be afraid.
The Lord, the Lord, is my strength and my song;
he has become my salvation.'
With joy you will draw water 
from the wells of salvation.


In that day you will say:


'Give thanks to the Lord, call on his name;
make known among the nations what he has done,
and proclaim that his name is exalted.
Sing to the Lord, for he has done glorious things;
let this be known to all the world.
Shout aloud and sing for joy, people of Zion,
for great is the Holy One of Israel among you.'"

 I read this chapter last night. I reread it about 10 times just to let it sink in.
I'm so thankful for a God I can praise ALL the time.
but more than that...
I'm so thankful for a God who deserves my praise ALL the time.

Jesus is my strength & my song.
Jesus has become my salvation.
& because of that,

I will give thanks & sing joyful songs of praise to our mighty King!

Jesus knows my heart.

Psalm 37:4

"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart."

I see this verse everywhere, all the time, but this week it has taken on a new meaning in my life. 

I mean, this verse is just so pure. Short, simple, & to the point. If you delight yourself in God, He will give you what your heart desires, or longs for.
But here's what I've been thinking. Maybe if I delight myself in God, He will give me the unknown desires of my heart. Desires that are definitely in my heart, but desires that I don't know I want.
God knows ALL. So what if God knows what I truly desire as compared to what I think I desire today. I trust God knows my heart inside and out [how beautiful is the sound of that?] & God is no servant of time. He knows my heart yesterday, today, & tomorrow.
Jesus knows my heart
in the past, present, & future.
Jesus knew my heart from the moment I was born.
Actually, Jesus knew my heart forever. ALWAYS.
He is no servant of time. God has had me planned for forever. [Talk about humbling!]

I trust Jesus has a beautiful plan for my life. a plan that will bring Him glory, honor, & fame.
I trust Jesus longs for me to delight myself in Him... in this divine romance.
I trust Jesus will give me the desires of my heart in time.
but, I also trust Jesus will give me the unknown desires of my heart.

I will commit myself to God's way and trust in Him.
He knows everything about me. He has knitted my heart together and He knows all the plans He has for me. He knows all the desires of my heart and that makes me beyond happy.

I am so thankful to serve a God who can't be over exaggerated...
a God who is the same wherever I am, forever...
a God who loves me for me even when He knows everything about me...
a God who is proud of me and always forgives me time and time again...
a God who is worthy of all my praise...
a God who I can share my joy with...
a God who allows me to praise Him wherever I am...
a God who longs for a relationship with me... a divine romance with me...
a God who knows all of the desires of my heart...
I am so thankful for my God, my Jesus.

Psalm 139:14

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

Jesus knows my heart,
& for this, I am ever thankful.

follow Him blindly.

Last night I was on the floor leaning against my bed with my Bible flipped open to Isaiah 61. [You should definitely go read it really quick] I've been opening up to this chapter a lot lately because God has really been using it to speak to me. I started reading verse 1.

"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners."

I made it through verse 1. That's when it clicked.
I looked up from my Bible & it just hit me.

God desires for me to follow Him.

yeah... I already know that. My desire is for Jesus to teach me how to follow Him all of my days, but it just clicked differently.

not only does God desire for me to follow Him,
He calls me to
FOLLOW HIM BLINDLY. 
completely blind. I guess I've always viewed God's plan for my life, for my future, as an 'our' thing when really it's just His. Jesus knows exactly what He is doing & He doesn't need a backseat driver telling Him where to take me.
Jesus just wants me to follow Him.
I just need to trust He knows exactly where He is driving this beautiful gift called life.

God can't use me for His glory if I don't trust him.
if I don't follow Him blindly.
God can't allow me to preach good news, bind up the brokenhearted, proclaim freedom, comfort for those who mourn, provide for those who grieve, bestow a crown of beauty instead of ashes, or display His splendor unless I completely trust Him & follow Him blindly.

Jesus,
i trust you.
i trust you will make something beautiful out of me.
 i am yours. all yours.
you are beautiful. you are faithful. you are wonderful. you are everything.
teach me to follow you blindly.
i love you.
-me.

Teach us how to follow you. Teach us how to follow you. Teach us how to follow you.

all I am.

[bare with me. it's gonna be longgggg.]

This week has probably been one of the hardest weeks of my life EVER. Forget that. The past 20 days have probably been the hardest, most stressful, 20 day of my entire life. [I'm almost 15.]

but, through these 20 days, my love for Jesus has grown so much stronger.
my faith in Him has become more evident.
and I have been learning just how sweet it is to trust in Jesus.
all I am is His. 

On Monday, April 2nd, my Dad sat my sisters & me down to tell us my Dad had an interview with Seminole ISD. My parents promised us we wouldn't be moving. If my Dad was offered the job, he would drive 40 miles from Lamesa everyday. Everything would still be 'normal.'

yeah.... okay. Normal??? sure.

Last semester, the possibility of moving had crossed my mind & I struggled with the idea, but ultimately, I gave it to God.
his will.
his way.

I didn't freak out though because it was just an interview. I did however, ask a good friend, a good brother in Christ, to pray for us. to pray for God's will. I am thankful that he has been praying.


Other than praying, I didn't really think about the issue. I was distracted at almost all times. You see, I've had two school competitions I was preparing for at the beginning of April.
State FCCLA. & State Community Problem Solving.
I prayed for God to have His way. & that was that.
I didn't really worry about the possibility of my Dad getting the job... or the possibility of moving.
That is, until after State weekend. [both competitions were the same weekend.]


I got back late Saturday, April 14th. My Dad went as a sponsor on the trip, & I'd overheard him talking about being offered the job. I confided in the same friend who has been praying, that Sunday. Then Monday night, my parents told us he had been offered a job & Seminole was offering my Mom a job as well.


hmmmmmmmmmmmmm..... that's when the fear kicked in. the fear of the possibility of moving.
 that's when the hardest week EVER began.

I've lived in Lamesa since I was 6 weeks old. I love this little town. This is home. 
I have my whole high school career planned out here. I knew the classes I was going to take every year. I had goals set in all of the extracurricular activities I'm in. I've been working really hard to become valedictorian of Lamesa's Class of 2015 as well. [I've been brainstorming speech ideas since 7th grade.] As for after high school, God could do what He wants... but I guess I've always considered high school being in my own hands, not His.
I have so many wants & desires here:
-FCCLA officer [Seminole doesn't have a FCCLA chapter.]
-CmPS internationals all 4 years [Seminole doesn't have a CmPS team]
-Student Council class president all 4 years [I won't be able to be in StuCo next year]
-paint the wall before I graduate my senior year [a Tornado tradition]
-family [I'm lucky to be so close to my extended family]
 -friends [I have some of the best friends in the world]
the list goes on & on.
Every time I surrender one of these desire to God, a new want pops into my head.

The hardest desire, the desire I long for the most, the desire I've extremely struggled with giving to God:
his people.
my church family.
my youth group.
It's been rough. I love them SOOO dearly & have grown so much with them. I've been going to FBC Lamesa since I was a little girl. those people, his people, make me smile. I'm so blessed with them. & to give up my youth group? to give my youth group away??
the. absolute. hardest. thing. I've. ever. done. 

but, I've done it. I've have handed over my biggest desire to God.
& in return? I have peace. I have joy. I am content.

Now that's not to say I don't still think about moving. If I'm completely honest, I have felt every single emotion possible this week, at the same time.
upset/ terribly sad/ bummed/ anxious/ nervous/ stressed/ desire/ disappointed/ confused/ weak/ frustrated/ excited/ happy/ love.
every emotion except: mad/ hate. Oddly, neither have interfered with this divine romance.
Though alot of tears have been shed this week, & alot more tears are to come, I trust in Jesus. I know His plan is much better than even a portion of my own. I don't know why He does all the things He does, but I love Him anyway.
He is peaceful.
He is joyful.
He is trustworthy.
He is forgiving.
He is understanding.
He is full of love.
He is my everything.
I give Him every want. every desire. I belong to Him.

I trust in Jesus with all my heart.
I lean not on my own understanding. My life is in the hands of the maker of Heaven.
I acknowledge Him, always.
He makes my path straight.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." -Proverbs 3:5-6

Jesus,
please continue to teach me how to follow You. please continue to teach me how to trust You. please continue to teach me how to acknowledge You. please continue to teach me how to lean not on my own understanding. please use me. all i am is Yours. i give You everything. to You i belong. God, I surrender all that i am for Your glory, Your honor, Your fame. all i am is Yours.
-me.

Everything I do is for His glory, His honor, His fame. I trust in His perfect divine plan. I am second. All I am is Jesus'.
forever. always.
my heart is His.
my soul is His.
I belong to my beautiful King.
all i am is Jesus'.

 [check out this song. it's great. this is my pray.]
All I Am by Phil Wickham

Psalm 42

"As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, O God.
My soul thirst for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?
My tears have been my food day and night,
while men say to me all day long,
'Where is your God?'
These things I remember,
as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go with the multitude,
leading the procession to the house of God,
with shouts of joy and thanksgiving
among the festive throng.
Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise Him,
my Savior and my God.
...
Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise Him,
my Savior and my God."

-Psalm 42:1-5 &11

Bless the Lord, O my Soul & let all that is within me shine out.

Jesus,
have your way in me. teach me how to follow you. use me to glorify you. all I am is yours.

-something beautiful.

I couldn't help but wake up anything but joyful this morning, which is a good thing considering there was a bug on my pillow before I went to sleep last night. :P

Easter. The celebration of our Savior rising from the grave after being tortured to death.
after being crucified.
Jesus is risen.
HE IS ALIVE!

This past weekend I went through and read the stories that lead up to Easter in the 4 gospels. [Matthew, Mark, Luke & John]
It was a really neat experience.
a really hard experience.
reading about the person you are most fond of, the person you love the most in the whole world, being murdered. being slaughtered. becoming the ultimate sacrifice for everything I've ever done wrong. for everything I will ever do wrong. for everything everyone has & will ever do wrong. every sin.
it's tough.
especially knowing that my King humbled Himself like no other simply because He loves us. because He loves me.
the only person that should never have to humble Himself before anyone & He did.
now that's humbling. now that's true love.

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus...
Sweetest name I know.
Fills my every longing.
Keeps me singing as I go.

Today, my church's pastor read the account of Jesus' death & resurrection out of Luke. [Luke 23:44-49; 24:1-6, to be exact]
This is a summary of what he talked about:
Making the Cross Beautiful
-The cross, in its original form was ugly. anything but beautiful.
-The day Jesus died, no one saw a wonderful cross. No one saw a beautiful cross.
They looked at a weapon. They looked upon an ugly broken tree.
-But Jesus transformed the cross in something beautiful. Something Christians everywhere use as a symbol.
-Just as God transformed the cross, He wants to change you into something beautiful.
The whole service this morning, a large wooden cross laid on the stage. Towards the end, every single person got the chance to make the cross beautiful by placing carnations in it. [I wish I had a picture. It was definitely something beautiful.]
I couldn't help but smile as the service faded to a close. It was just great.

Christ is risen from the dead, trampling over death by death, come awake, come awake, come and rise up from the grave. & oh death, where is your sting? oh hell, where is your victory? oh church, come stand in the light. Our God is not dead. He's alive. He's alive!

Last night I read Galatians 2:20.

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

This life I live is not my own, but my Creator's who I will freely serve everyday of my life.
with every breath I breathe.
I give Him my all.

I give it all to you, God. Trusting that you'll make something beautiful out of me.

I am so thankful that my partner in this divine romance gave up His spirit and died a sinner's death, & then rose again, for us. for me. I love Him dearly. He is something beautiful.

& with Jesus living my life for me, I know it will truly be something beautiful.

embracing Jesus.

Will Reagan and The United Pursuit
Live at The Banks House
I bought this album this past weekend because a good friend had suggested it & shared a few songs with me.
It's LEGIT. Amazing in ever which way. The absolute BEST. album. EVERRR. Literally!
Every song, [there are 11] is a continuation of the previous one and the whole 71 minutes is filled with praise directed towards Jesus. It is very peaceful. It makes me want to embrace Jesus forever. It makes my heart extremely happy every time I listen to it. [that's been about 17 times] I just love it! :) Worship is beautiful. Jesus is beautiful.

One of my very good friends who was my sister at Super Summer in red and blue school, e-mailed me the other day. [she is the sweetest, humblest, most Christ-like, loving, and beautiful girl] She talked about how lately she had just felt this burning desire for Jesus and was so in awe of Him. It made my day, because since about the end of February, I've felt the exact same way. :) God is good... so good.

I am so in love with Him. There is no one else for me.
I am so in love with Him. There is no one else for me.
I am so in love with Him. There is no one else for me.

My desire is to spend time embracing Jesus, our oh so lovely King. I want Him to be completely evident in my life. I don't want people to be able to deny my love for Him. I pray that He can use me to bring himself glory through everything I do. everything.

"He must become greater; I must become less." -John 3:30

 I am nothing without Christ. nothing. All I am is His.
God made me. & He loves me more than I could ever love Him.
I am so honored to have the opportunity to serve such a wonderful Creator. such a wonderful Savior.
I gladly will take the background so He can be lifted up higher & higher & higher.

I have this desire to set the whole world on fire. On fire for Jesus Christ.
I look forward to the day where I can sit at Jesus' beautiful feet and constantly embrace Him, forever.

embracing Jesus. What a beautiful picture...

I am so in love with you, God. There is no one else for me...

Sunday, Monday...

The STAAR test. The new mandated test made up by the state of Texas to in my opinion, freak freshmen out.
I'll admit that I fell into this fear and suffered for testing anxiety last night. & just so you know, text don't usually scare me....

The way I deal with nervous situations is 'hiding' from them. Let me explain. I simply pretend the competition day or in this case, testing day, doesn't exist. Literally, I hit it to the back of my mind and pretend I don't know of such a thing. & surprisingly, it works. That is, until the night before...

Yesterday morning, I went to church all pepped up because I just LOVE seeing my youth group & church family. They make me smile without trying! My youth minister, Harris, had asked me and a couple of my friends to give a short testimony for a fundraiser for our summer camps on Wednesday. I forgot about it, ...until Sunday morning. Needless to say, I pretty much winged it. But, before hand I jokingly made up a speech with my friend. We were just killing time, but it made me laugh. Then Harris came up & asked if we were ready. I gave him my fake speech then put my thumbs up! :) He added this slogan, "Youth camp... It Changes Lives!" I got all sorts of excited claiming I was going to do that when I went up to talk. Of course no one believed me... they never do. So whenever I actually did it, I threw my fist up at the same time! I watched as all my friends in my youth group shook their heads and joined the church in laughter! It was good. Then later, this little boy named Carter, played Amazing Grace on the violin. It was so beautiful, such a blessing!

Sunday afternoon, I went to the movies to watch The Hunger Games with people I'm honored to call my friends. I love them dearly, & I am so thankful for all they do. It was nice getting out & avoiding all of the anxiety I knew I would face come night. & might I add, the movie was fabulous, but of course the book is better. :)

At seven, I went to small groups. (Small Groups is held at Harris' house. We just fellowship & discuss things on our mind.) On this night it literally was a 'small group.' There was only me & another friend from youth there. Harris asked us what was going on in our lives and I told him that I was pretty nervous for the test Monday & Tuesday. When he asked my friend, who is a senior, he talked about scholarships and his plans for after graduation. We simply talked and enjoyed each other for about an hour, then Harris asked if he could pray for us. Harris prayed for my friend, asking God to guide him & bless him as he graduates and heads out into the world. When Harris prayed for me, he asked God to be with me during the tests & allow me to glorify Him through it. I am SO thankful for this prayer. It made the difference in how I went through the day today.

After small groups I came home & got ready to go to sleep. As a tradition, my Daddy prayed with me about the test. He does the night of every state test.

Then, I went to my room closing the door behind me. I opened my bible and read Psalm 143:10 through Psalm 150:6. (if you haven't read it, you should look it up.) It's a psalm of David and he is praising God the whole time. It's so sincere & pure. It brought my heart joy. With this said, I pulled out my prayer journal and began weeping. It wasn't tears of fear, but tears of humility. All I could pray out loud was, "You are so amazing!" I live for moments like this. Jesus is so worthy it makes me speechless. I stand in awe of Him with my arms wide open. I'm oh so lost in this divine romance. I love Him and am proud to be allowed to freely serve Him and bring Him glory through all I do. [1 Corinthians 10:31] He makes me happy, truly happy. He is all I want. All I am is His. I belong to King Jesus! He has captured my heart & I will forever love Him!

Oh Jesus,
make me yours. make me less & teach me to share your love and bring you glory. you are amazing. you are beautiful. simple as that. 

When I got to school today, I went into my assistant principal's office. He is a cool man of God. I've gotten to talk to him a lot this year. I asked him to pray for us & nodded saying he already had been. In the classroom, my best friend, Starmie and I, had the privilege to pray for the class before the test started.  glorifying Jesus... I don't know what that prayer did for everyone else, but I know it brought me comfort and joy.

The test was pretty easy. I had myself totally psyched out before the actual test. Silly me. Anyways, for fun, after I was finished, I wrote JESUS LOVES YOU <3 on every blank page in the work booklet. It made me smile. I know people probably won't see it, but on the slight chance that they do, I hope it makes them smile too! :)

I'll leave you with this verse, which is one of my favorites at the moment. :) I pray Jesus teaches me to be more like Him daily...

"Show me your ways, O Lord,
teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long."
-Psalm 25:4-5

the little things...

Today, I was a bumm. From waking up at my friends house, all the way to writing this. The majority of my day consisted of:

-watching t.v.
-getting on facebook

Then, I got bored & decided to be creative.

-I sat on a beach towel in my backyard listening to music while I painted my toenails
-attempted to climb a tree [flip-flops aren't tree-climbing worthy shoes :P ]
-wrote my name with chalk on my driveway
-jumped on the trampoline with my sisters
-walked my dog around the neighborhood as the sun faded with my sisters

Needless to say, I had a wonderful day! It's very easy to please me and it doesn't take much to consider me entertained. I enjoy the little things life has to offer. But, far to often I get carried away in things that really have no true value. After all, nothing has true value if you can find God in it, or bring Him glory through it.
The little things are typically the most awesome things, in my opinion. We need to enjoy the little things because, one day they will add up to be the big things.
My advice, take time each day to sincerely smile, compliment someone, compliment more than just someone, pay attention to others, be kind to everyone, & show love to all. (: Life is a beautiful thing if you allow it to be. & I highly suggest you allow it to be. Look for the good. It's not hard to find. Look for God. He's everywhere!
I like this quote:

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." -Unknown

Yeah, makes you think. If you had the potential to turn a life around.... You do. Let's stop worrying and stressing over the big things and take a second to step back and not only notice, but enjoy the little things. Love the little things. Share the little things.

-if we had the potential to turn a life around with just the little things.... We do.

this Divine Romance

 For my first blog, I want to explain the name of my blog. But first, you should know a little about me. So here goes:

I love Disney Movies. I love Dr. Suess. I love Harry Potter. I love C.S. Lewis. I love jokes that I don't get for 10 minutes. I love my family. I love my friends. I love my youth group. I love laughing. :) I love seeing other people sincerely smile. [It makes my day.] :) I love life. I love Christmas songs. I love reading. I love silly things. I love sleep. I love love. But mainly, I love Jesus, because, I was made to love Him.

Now that we've got that cleared up, here are the lyrics to a song called, "Divine Romance" by Phil Wickham. 

 

The fullness of Your grace is here with me
The richness of Your beauty’s all I see
The brightness of Your glory has arrived
In Your presence God, I’m completely satisfied

For You I sing I dance
Rejoice in this divine romance
Lift my heart and my hands
To show my love, to show my love

A deep deep flood, an Ocean flows from You
Of deep deep love, yeah it’s filling up the room
Your innocent blood has washed my guilty life
In Your presence God, I’m completely satisfied

For You I sing I dance
Rejoice in this divine romance
Lift my heart and my hands
To show my love, to show my love

For You I sing I dance
Rejoice in this divine romance
Lift my heart and my hands
To show my love, to show my love

I believe Christianity was meant to be a relationship with our Savior & our King! I like to refer to my relationship with Jesus as a beautiful 'divine romance.' I'm constantly in awe of how much my Creator loves me. The thing is, I can't even begin to grasp every aspect of how he loves me, and that makes me want Him and Love Him so much more. I'm in love with King Jesus and I'm thankful that He has chosen me to be his princess.

"Sing, O Daughter of Zion; shout aloud, O Israel! Be glad and rejoice with all your heart, O Daughter of Jerusalem!" -Zephaniah 3:14

"...my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." -John 15:11-13